I wonder if they knew

Silence isn't always your friend,

When words from the past echo through your head.

"Cold-hearted B*tch"

"Something wrong with her,"

"Overweight and argumentive"

"Overally emotional but also not emotional enough."

"Who would want you?"

"Who would want you?"

"Who......"

You get distance, keeping to yourself.

New people mean danger. They could hurt you as well.

You become two people,

One, shoulders back, head high, let's take on the world.

Then there's the you none sees, buried, hidden.

In those rooms, in the dark alone,

Where you break and cry, wail, and sob.

Where it's too much and you don't know how to go on.

I wonder if they knew how on the knife edge you were

While taking on responsibilities, that weren't yours to hold.

That every pebble weighed down on your soul.

Dragging you down into the murky depths

There, you doubted that you would return.

I wonder if they saw beyond their own struggles.

As they lementated their own worries and fears.

As you just sat their with what you hoped was a gentle smile.

As their grief became your grief while you provided your support.

How do you make space for it all, even for a while.

Betrayal is nothing new. You greet her like an old friend.

As the words from people you trust, wounds are torn open.

Where the inevitable happens, you disappoint them again.

These scars never heal. They fester and bleed, deeper than before.

I wonder if they realise,

You were just a woman trying to survive

Every day was harder than before.

It wears you down that you can't hide your cries

Breaking down that wall,

Behind the carefully constructed mask

Was someone as broken as them

Yet when it's seen, it comes as a surprise.

"You're more sensitive than I realised,"

The words that hurt, just as much as the others. You want to scream.

"I am human, I feel as deeply as You."

Yet perhaps they see what they wanted too,

So that it's easier to ignore the signs.

I wonder if they knew just what their words would do, to someone as broken as you.